I feel like I am now coming out of the zombie state I been in since Christmas. I think I feel more out of touch with reality and people by adding a second kid (15 months old) than I did when I had a newborn. And while the thought of having 3 kids (3 and under) makes me want to run away somewhere, I am really looking forward to holding a sweet, adorable baby. They are so wonderful and I think that will be the sweet spot to this year. If I can just hold on until the end of June…
Life has been exponentially hard. When I told people we were going to foster and go from 1 to 2 kids (like most “normal” families), everyone would smile and say how happy they were and how fun it would be! To all you liars out there…I am cooking up some really good payback for the lack of warning on this one.
Everyone warns you about the sleepless nights, long and painful labor, potential difficulty breastfeeding when you are about to have a baby. NO ONE warned me about the 2 kids thing. Every day since this cute little guy showed up on our door (just like the stork brought him) I pondered why no one told me!? And as I have talked to other mothers with 2 or more kids and was told all of these issues and adjustments and feelings were “normal”, I realize why no one told me.
The same reason I will not go into much detail in this post. Because the level of CHAOS is so frightening and un-explainable. If you don’t have more than one child you just can’t fathom. I am not saying that to be snobby. At all. I live in it and some days cannot even fathom what happens around here. And if I was warned before hand I wouldn’t have believed you OR Graham would be an only child from here on out. 😉 I think the dust is settling. I hesitate to say it for fear of another week from you-know-where just because I got little -greedy-?
You also don’t want to seem like you are trying to encourage other moms to keep their family planning to one child. What kind of fun sucker am I?? After all, children are a blessing and a gift from God! In other words, it is the hardest thing you will ever do. You will repeat yourself more times than you thought humanly possible and still have your sanity in tact (although that is questionable at the moment). You will break up more fights and find yourself saying things, like, “Don’t drag him across the floor by his hair!” or “Maybe next time you will obey” trying to encourage your toddler as you walk out of a dreadful meltdown in Publix. Maybe next time…
I love my kids! I do. But I think the blessings come after the trials. We wouldn’t enjoy the little angels they will become (right?) quite as much if we didn’t know how bad things could REALLY be. Parenting children can be easy. If I let them have their way. If I didn’t back up my threats in the store of “if you do that one more time”. I was that parent yesterday who forced my child to stand out of the cart (because he wouldn’t stop harassing the little one) while he was screaming to get back in. TRUST me. The easiest thing in the world would have to put him back in the cart just so he would be quiet and people wouldn’t stare. But what good would that have done? He wouldn’t believe me the next time I threatened him with a consequence for his less than ideal behavior. No. I stood there through the meltdown. Trying not to make eye contact with passers by. Trying to stay calm. Telling myself, one day this will pay off. I know it will. Until then, I will get a few more grey hairs but hopefully I will come out the most patient of souls. Like other moms I look up to as “the most patient souls”. I am learning another side of myself I didn’t know I had. Although some days I wish I didn’t know her.
I enjoy the good days and sweet words from my kids so much more after all the hard times. Graham will say things like, “I am so glad you are here mom!” or my personal favorite “You’re hair is so pretty mom!!” I really cherish those little statements. I know this is all just a stage but it was a stage I did not see coming. I will be honest. Rose colored glasses I guess. But I have dug deeper into myself than I ever have and I think if we can all survive this phase, nothing can ever stop us. 🙂 I have so much to be thankful for. I am surrounded by so many hurting people who deal with so much and I have the nerve to utter a complaint about typical toddlers. And I appreciate my friends who still love me despite it taking days to reply to texts or phone calls. Who am I kidding, I only talk on the phone to my grandmother and that’s because she doesn’t text. HA!
On another note, I am feeling a lot more like myself which is so wonderful. I am at week 18 (2 weeks away from halfway) and I was sure it would never get here. We have not settled on a name. Dave needs until March to pick one (sigh). It’s a lot of pressure picking out a name. I find myself looking at street signs and business names for inspiration. Let me tell you there are some interesting options. 😉
Dave and I are contemplating a little
baby moon/family trip sometime in March. I just really want to lay by a body of water in the sunshine for a few days! And I am bringing Dave to supervise the kids. I’m kidding… Since we are due at the end of June our vacation options are kind of limited so I figure the sooner the better and vacations aren’t ideal with a newborn. Next year…
This year after the baby we will try to sell our house and buy a bigger one. I am so ready for more space I think I actually dreamed about a new house the other night. Dave is about to hit a busy time for work in the next few months so nothing major will be happening before June. I am thankful we have a roof over our heads and enough bedrooms for everyone. 🙂
Wedding season will be in full swing and I already have a few on the calendar! So exciting!! And I am still working part time Tues-Thurs when Graham is in school. And after this post I don’t think I need to explain why. 😉 I try to hide the crazy, I will only write about it to leave the rest to your imagination! Haha!
Right now I have been working on some sewing projects for friends and our baby. Since I have been sick I haven’t done anything crafting wise and I really missed it. Sewing is so fun to me-old lady status- and it’s a great stress reliever. I am half way done with a quilt for the baby’s crib and I am loving it. Here is a teaser. I will write a little post about the experience when it is all done. Until then, I will wish for a room all my own with a giant table for all my crafty needs. 🙂 A girl can dream, thanks to Pinterest!
Dave and I are doing well and he has been a true gem. I think I just appreciate the fact HE hasn’t run away from all of us. Bless him. I think he is in denial about the whole 3rd kid thing. Does he think I am just getting fat? Hunny, I am not kidding about all of this. He’s got a few more months for reality to set in. 😉 Don’t we all…
My next post will be on a lighter topic but I thank you all for reading and would always love advice as our family grows!