I know this is a surprise but life isn’t always easy. Yes, a lot of the time I feel lucky to live a life that appears as such.
But let me be very honest for a minute. Parenting the last 2 weeks has been, how do I say it, a nightmare. I am not entirely sure who has taken over my usually sweet and adorable Graham. The attitude, disobedience, and bizarre behavior has me wondering if the Terrible Two’s has found us. Maybe it’s the 2 year molars (I am soooooo done with teething!!). Or the fact that we moved him into his big boy bed and he has not been a fan. Or maybe it’s because the last few weeks and weekends have been so busy that there has been very little quality time leftover for him. I DO NOT KNOW.
What I do know, is that my sanity is hanging on by a thread. Literal thread. Dave may even think I have already lost it. I may or may not have called him sobbing at 9am today. Because when I walked into the living room where Graham was playing with his toys, he looks at me and says, “Dump it on the floor!”. My hopes and dreams for “a better day today” are shattered as I see that my entire living room floor covered in an entire bottle of turtle food and fish food. We couldn’t have just dumped one out, nope we got a 2 for 1 deal. Oh, and he also gave a little sprinkle to the turtle tank and my couch and my white blanket.
The words honestly fail me sometimes. Sometimes, I am the calm and collected mom who can logically explain why we should not dump the fish food all over the floor, even though we went over it yesterday. Sometimes, all I can get out is a pleading, “Why would you do that?!?”. Sometimes, I yell at him to go to his room or pick up his mess. This definitely wins me mother of the year award. Gosh, it’s just so hard.
Yesterday, I walked into his room to get him up for the day. I come in to find him laying on the floor (not his bed) with his night-night (blanket) and I smell something unpleasant. I discover his is not wearing a diaper and yes, #2 is all over him and the carpet (sorry for the TMI). It is times like these when words fail me. I couldn’t be mad. He couldn’t help it, although I do realllyyy appreciate when the diaper stays on at all times. It was 8:30 am and I was already exhausted and daunted by what else the day could bring. It brought a horrendous trip to the fabric store where he acted like “that child” the entire time. In my head, I wanted to just walk out and drive home. On the other hand, I came here for fabric and by golly I WILL LEAVE WITH MY FABRIC! I apologize to the entire store for the riot my child caused. I may seem like the calm and collected mom (with the unruly child) in public, but on the inside I am using every last ounce of energy not to rip my precious little child a new one.
I like to take Graham on a lunch date once a week to Chick-Fil-A, of course, to celebrate that we survived another week and that he really is a great kid to let me work from home. Yesterday, he was getting no such lunch date. We did the drive through and the whole way home he whined for the fries even after I handed him his milk to tide him over. My nerves were shot when we got home when he refused to eat his lunch. So he had nap time early. That was also a miracle because yesterday was the first day in 2 weeks that he has taken a nap in his big boy bed. Thank the Lord.
During this time, I sewed my new adorable computer case. My dear friend commented on my photo last night and asked if I had nothing better to do because I was making everyone look like lazy bums (love you Robyn) ;). Well, to be perfectly honest, my house is in shambles, I am failing at parenting, I took the day off work and I needed 2 hours to not care about any of it. I am not here to give you all a false impression that I have countless hours to sew adorable things and that I have the perfect life and family. I am blessed. I am blessed to be able to stay at home with Graham, even on the really bad days when I want to run away. I am blessed that my husband has my back and can give me a pep talk when I am falling apart at the very sparse seams.
I tell myself this is just a stage. Because it always is. 2 weeks of torture to an outsider doesn’t seem that bad, but when you are in the trenches, every day seems like a big black hole that you will be lucky to climb out of.
Yesterday and today I cleared my schedule to spend some quality time with him. I cancelled a swimming date with one of my dearest friends who is in town for the week. It’s the hard decisions like this that I am hoping will pay off in the end. We need a reset button. So this week we will be limiting our time in public or with friends. I am not dodging any of you. But this week just isn’t it.
Don’t judge someone by their Facebook posts and pictures. I am not making anyone look bad. Trust me, if you could see me this week, you would know I do not have it all together.
Now excuse me while I go clean out my 15 gallon turtle tank (that I just put up 2 days ago). The water is looking a little murky because of the events of this morning. I guess a half a container of fish food won’t make it through the water filter.